“This is #^@%ing hard!” The good, the bad, and the messy of breastfeeding
Breastfeeding is awe-inspiring. Sitting with your baby in the wee hours of the morning, feeding them at your breast, with nothing but peace between you — it truly can feel magical. Even just observing a feeding as a partner or loved one might feel like a beautiful privilege.
But is it, “I’ve got perfect hair and makeup immediately after giving birth” magical? Is it, “My baby took to my breast with no problem at all” magical? Is it, “This feels great, all the time, every time!” magical?
Unfortunately for many (and at The Lactation Network, we know this firsthand), probably not.
Breastfeeding can be a beautiful, natural, life-giving experience. It’s ancient. It’s intimate. And it’s incredible! Why? Because the body transforms into an ecosystem, allowing a new life to feed and find comfort. And as a baby’s body grows, that breastfeeding ecosystem adapts, again and again.
But it’s not always the perfect, easy, mess-free situation you might see in movies or on social media.
Here are some breastfeeding realities that challenge the myths you may have been told by Hollywood, by internet strangers, or even in the delivery room. If you’ve ever leaked through your shirt on the way to work, spilled milk on the counter after a hard-won pump session, or accidentally dropped your phone on your baby’s face while nursing, these next sections are for you.
Breastfeeding isn’t free
People have a saying: “All you need to breastfeed is your breast and a baby.” That may have been true somewhere, sometime. But today, breastfeeding costs something. It takes time. And while federal law requires most employers to offer paid breaks to nursing or pumping employees, it’s not a perfect system. There’s also the cost of tools, like a good-quality pump, replacement parts, and milk storage containers.
That being said, breastfeeding doesn’t have to break the bank! There is no shame in bargain finds or less popular pump brands, as long as they fit your body, lifestyle, and your family’s needs. And rest assured, the Affordable Care Act requires most insurance companies to help with the cost of lactation counseling and a pump. Check with your insurance to see if you have a benefit for the equipment and care you need.
It gets messy
If your baby can drink milk from a nipple or bottle without any mess at all, congratulations: You’ve got a miracle on your hands! For the vast majority of parents, yes, there will be some mess. A little milk loss while feeding is normal. But if you’re experiencing any latch challenges, or if your pump’s flanges aren’t the correct size for your nipples (which may have changed size after starting to breastfeed), you might be losing more milk than is necessary.
You can prevent milk loss while nursing by experimenting with different feeding positions until you find one that works for you and your baby’s latch. An air-tight seal is ideal.
You can also prevent excess mess while pumping by making sure your flanges fit your body as it is now. Once your milk is ready to store, keep it in clean, food-grade glass or plastic containers with tight lids, stored in a secure cooler or refrigerator that won’t get jostled.
And if you still spill some of your hard-earned milk? Well, you have our full permission to cry over it.
It changes, even day to day
As your baby grows, their needs will change. They’ll develop new behaviors and new sleep patterns. Their oral anatomy will also shift as they grow; new teeth and an expanding palate may change your baby’s latch over time. Breastfeeding evolves with your baby — and not always in comfy ways. They may develop new preferences they didn’t have before. And frankly, you might, too! It’s all perfectly normal and part of the process.
Breastfeeding can also change from child to child. What may have worked for your mother or aunties while breastfeeding their kids might not work for you and your baby. What may have worked for your firstborn might not work for your second child. Even twins may have different rhythms and needs!
The key is to extend your baby — and yourself — as much patience and grace as you can muster. Your baby’s feedings will become fewer and further between as they age. Changes will come up. Some of those changes may be surprising. Some might even be disappointing, frustrating, or sad. But some will be exciting and joyous. Take heart in knowing your baby is growing, developing, and bonding with you on this journey.
It takes so much energy
Experts recommend adding between 400 to 500 additional calories to your diet each day while you’re breastfeeding. Why? Because you need extra gas in the tank while you’re creating your baby’s fuel.
Add to that the extra scheduling work, the planning, the cleaning, the sleep deficits, and all the other elements of parenting a newborn — there’s no way around it; you will be tired.
Just remember, it won’t be like this forever. Navigating this new normal gets easier as you and your family find your rhythms. And one of the best things you can do is to ask for the kind of support you need to recuperate. Consider calling in a sitter while you nap or delegating other responsibilities to a loved one so you can get some much-needed rest.
Yes, sometimes it hurts
Breastfeeding itself shouldn’t bring you chronic pain. With enough feedings throughout the day and night, and (heaven help us) with a teething baby, yes, you might feel occasional, temporary discomfort. But too often, new mothers give up breastfeeding earlier than they would have liked to because they find it too painful. And that can be a difficult choice.
Our best advice is to consult your International Board Certified Lactation Consultant. IBCLCs are the gold standard in lactation certification, and they’ve seen it all. If you’re experiencing pain while nursing, it could be the result of mastitis, a clogged milk duct, or simply a less-than-ideal feeding position. And if you have pain while pumping, it could be related to your flange sizes or the settings on your pump. Thankfully, an IBCLC can guide you through all of these factors, answer common breastfeeding questions, and more! They’ll help pinpoint the root cause of that discomfort so you can find a solution, meet your feeding goals, and only end your breastfeeding journey when you and your baby are ready.
You’re not alone
Postpartum life can feel isolating. It can be hard to find the time and energy to leave your home, especially when a baby is so reliant on you and your body at this young age. And while parental leave is so incredibly necessary, it can also come with the loss of adult conversation and stimulation that comes from working in the outside world.
But you don’t have to parent and feed in solitude. A partner, family members, friends, and even colleagues could have a wealth of knowledge, time, and support to share with you.
Not sure what kind of help to ask for? Maybe your partner can take diaper duty while you get a handle on your baby’s feeding schedule. Perhaps your neighbors are just itching to bring you a homemade meal. Your parents might actually enjoy cleaning for you or going on a grocery run with the baby while you get some sleep.
And of course, in addition to your “village” of loved ones and caretakers, don’t forget to add an IBCLC to your clinical team. Parents deserve expert clinical professionals in their corner throughout their journey, from prenatal to postpartum. An IBCLC can provide you with the best form of clinical lactation support and breastfeeding care you could ask for.
You’re doing great
Yes, breastfeeding can be #^@%ing hard. And it won’t be perfect. It can come with costs, and get messy, and frustrating, and sometimes uncomfortable. But with your own love and devotion and body’s sustenance, you’re keeping your baby nourished and thriving. And that makes you… well, incredible.
We’re here for you, every step of the way. We work with your insurance to provide in-home, in-office, or telehealth visits with an IBCLC.
