Calming your new-mom fears
Nervous about parenthood? You’re not alone. Here’s how you can overcome common new fears and anxieties.
It’s completely normal to feel nervous about parenthood, especially with so much uncertainty in the world. With all the new experiences that come with pregnancy and preparing for your baby to arrive, new parents have a lot to navigate. To give you some peace of mind, we’ve rounded up tried-and-true advice and solutions to common first-time parent fears.
1. What do I do if I’m scared of having a baby?
If fears about giving birth are keeping you up at night, it may help to go into the experience with a little more preparation. Developing a birth plan and a breastfeeding plan with your obstetrician or midwife may help you mentally prepare for delivery day and note your goals all in one place. Be sure to go over these plans with your partner, another family member, or anyone who may be supporting you during labor such as a partner, friend, family member, or doula. Even if you have personal labor support in the form of a partner, friend, or family member, we suggest enlisting the support of a doula.
The research is astounding on doula support for improving health outcomes and breastfeeding initiation rates, and these professionals provide emotional and physical support during birth and the postpartum period to parents and families. With doctors, midwives, and nurses going in and out of the delivery room while you’re in labor, it can help to have a professional who is constantly at your side, ready to advocate for you and reassure you when you need it.
If you’re still experiencing anxiety about giving birth, remember, people have been delivering babies since before hospitals existed. Share your worries with your healthcare provider, therapist, or closest friend, and try focusing on all the things that can go right, like your new baby blinking up at you for the first time. Everyone needs a village.
2. What should I put on my baby registry?
Some of the items you will need as a new parent include: An infant carrier, a car seat, a beside-the-bed bassinet, and a baby monitor, as well as newborn clothing, burp cloths, bibs, and diapers. Take a look at our top baby-registry picks and this list of our favorite breastfeeding supplies for more ideas.
3. What if the baby comes before I have everything ready?
Sometimes babies surprise us! If you don’t have everything ready when labor begins, don’t stress. Ask a friend or family member to help shop for last-minute baby items or assemble nursery furniture. Enlist a helper to install the infant car seat after delivery so you can bring the baby home. While nesting is a real thing, all that washing and organizing and prepping doesn’t have to happen before your baby’s born. And for anything you really need at the last minute once you’re home, there’s always pickup at Target, Walmart and Buy Buy Baby.
4. What if breastfeeding is hard?
Breastfeeding is a skill that must be learned just like any other! If you’ve decided to breastfeed your baby, there are lots of resources available to make sure you feel supported along the way.
Our best piece of advice for calming this fear: Schedule a consultation with an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC), who can troubleshoot any breastfeeding issues, holistically evaluate the nuances of your individual situation for both you and baby, show you different breastfeeding positions, and help you get your pump set up and teach you how to use it. These experts can also answer any other questions you have about breastfeeding and provide extra support. And if you need to supplement your feeding plan, let go of guilt. IBCLCs provide unbiased support to meet you where you are in your journey. They ensure you have the education, support, and advocacy to make the best decisions for you and your baby on your journey. You’re taking care of your baby and that makes you an amazing parent.
5. What is the best breast pump for me?
To start, it is important to find what kind of breast pump best fits your needs and lifestyle. Will you be pumping at work or at home? Do you plan to pump exclusively? Do you prefer a subtle, quiet option that you can use on the go? Then, read about some of the best breast pump options for stay-at-home parents, working parents, and more.
6. What if my relationship changes after the baby comes?
As with any big life change, having a baby can impact your relationship with your partner — in both good and bad ways. It can be incredible to see your significant other take on their new role as a parent. Enlisting your partner’s support and sharing the responsibilities when you’re breastfeeding also helps both parents be involved from the start.
Of course, in the midst of sleep deprivation and figuring out your newborn, it’s not always easy. Give each other grace, work as a team, and know you’ll sometimes have different ideas on parenting. To keep your relationship strong, schedule time together — quality time at home, date nights, even sex. Small gestures, like snuggling, a smile, a hug, or just talking about things other than the baby also go a long way.
7. What if I miss my life before becoming a parent?
Becoming a parent is a huge life change in so many ways, big and small. From bringing a new member of your family home to learning new routines to adjusting to and managing the changes in your own body, there’s a lot to get used to and figure out. Asking for the support you need from your partner, friends, and family during those first few weeks with your newborn will help you adjust to being a parent. You’ll likely enjoy this special bonding time too. While there may be moments you miss how things used to be, once you have your new baby in your arms, you’ll likely see the whole world and your place in it differently.
Keep in mind that hormone fluctuations may contribute to feelings of sadness, known as the baby blues, during the first two weeks after birth. It’s completely normal — even common — and should pass on its own. However, if you find yourself struggling or facing signs of prenatal or postpartum depression and anxiety, there’s no shame in asking for help. Having a baby causes big hormonal changes in your body that can sometimes affect mood. Talk to your partner and medical provider about your feelings and make plans together. Then, give your insurance provider a call to ask for guidance about postpartum mental health services so they can help you select an in-network provider, whether a psychiatrist, psychotherapist, licensed clinical social worker (LCSW), or something else. Explore your options and make getting the support you need a top priority.
8. What if I don’t love my postpartum body?
It takes more than a few weeks for your body to recover from pregnancy and delivery — and during that time, it’s important to let your body heal. It took nine months for you to grow a whole human, so expect that changes may take some time. Your body may be different, but it’s still amazing, powerful, and worthy of grace. If you are breastfeeding, focus on eating nutritious foods and drinking water as your body works hard to produce breast milk for your little one.
When you’re ready for exercise, start small and ease into it. If you used to hit the gym regularly, remember to take it slow when building up to a familiar routine. Taking a postnatal fitness class in person or online or joining a group of new moms and parents with similar goals may help you develop an exercise plan that’s healthy for postpartum parents. A final tip on this front: Focus on easing back into a routine as you recover.
9. How do I know I’m doing the right thing?
We’ll let you in on a secret: No parent knows what they’re doing all the time. We all push past new-parent anxiety and just do our best. No matter how much you read about parenting or talk to other parents, motherhood is still a learning process. Discuss your fears with your partner, friends, family, or IBCLC. Let go of the pressure to do, know, and be everything.
Also remember that what works for one family may not work for yours. Resist the urge to compare yourself to other parents, especially those whose social media accounts make parenting and motherhood look like a breeze. Instead, you should give yourself more credit and trust your instincts — you know your baby best. And don’t forget to celebrate your wins. Those little (or big) moments will help you get through the uncertain ones. As you grow into the role of being a parent, you’ll gain more confidence as you go — and you’ll find that many of your biggest fears won’t even come to fruition.
At The Lactation Network, we provide parents with access to insurance-covered lactation care, often in the comfort of home. Looking for more real parent advice? Check out our blog for more tips for expecting parents on breastfeeding, pumping, creating a breastfeeding plan with the insurance-covered support of an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC), and more.
We’re here for you, every step of the way. We work with your insurance to provide in-home, in-office, or telehealth visits with an IBCLC.
